FLO RIDA

Let me preface this by saying that I am not a fan of Flo Rida (the rapper), however, I am not going to pick on him. I am going to thank him for helping to provide two of the funniest and most disturbing segments on the Today Show ever!
He performed his hit record "Right Round" which includes the chorus:

(Flo Rida)
You spin my head right round, right round
When you go down, when you go down down
(Ke$ha)
You spin my head right round, right round
When you go down, when you go down down

This is a feelgood song about strippers and sex. Nothing cryptic about the lyrics, right? (pssst... "go down" = oral... *wink*) Here is a link to the whole song here so you can read for yourself. CLICK HERE! I have nothing against the lyrics or the song... IN THE PROPER ENVIRONMENT. Watch the video.



Oh look! Little Billy loves the song. He wants if played at his 6th birthday party. And Grandma Hazel is getting her groove on too! Look! The normally stuffy and conservative Hoda is singing along too! She loves oral! They all love oral! Great for them! Is the Today Show REALLY the place to announce it? I am at home watching this and wondering if I am the only person in the world who hears what Flo Rida is saying.

Then this came on after the commercial break:



What the hell is that 7 year old doing there (Go to 2:00 in the video and again at 4:23 to see him grinding on the TV cart if you missed him)? And how does he know the lyrics and the dance.

Shawty had them apple bottom jeans (jeans)
Boots with the fur (with the fur)
The whole club was looking at her
She hit the floor (she hit the floor)
Next thing you know
Shawty got low, low, low, low, low, low, low, low
Them baggy sweat pants
And the Reebok's with the straps (with the straps)
She turned around and gave that big booty a smack (hey)
She hit the floor (she hit the floor)
Next thing you know
Shawty got low, low, low, low, low, low, low, low

I have got nothing against the song or the rapper, but damn Today Show... this is definitely Late Night territory you ventured into this morning.

KRAZY!

Ok, I am positive that if you have been awake for the last two weeks, you have heard something about this:

I saw an interview on the Today Show this morning with the ringleader. I have a few problems with this whole story. First of all, this ringleader had the audacity to claim that the women did nothing wrong and that they were the victims. I agree with her to a point. I am a very loyal person and I take the whole marriage thing very seriously. I believe that if you take the time to get married, then you need to take the vows seriously. I have no doubt in my mind that this guy was a scumbag, if only for the simple fact that he had two lovers on the side. With that said, I don't agree with her that the women did nothing wrong. I am all for confronting the guy. I am even fine that they tied him up. He is obviously an idiot for falling for the whole "I am going to tie you up for a massage" thing. WHO GETS TIED UP FOR A MASSAGE?!? But, the second they get physical and assault him with Krazy Glue, in the eyes of the law, it is wrong. The law doesn't take heartbreak into consideration. The ringleader also went on to claim that the she was involved to "protect her children and possibly other children." How is gluing a man's penis to his leg (although that is even unclear because some say his leg and others say his stomach) protecting children?
You can read the story and draw you own conclusions here: http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/32370053/ns/today-today_people/

Random Thoughts and My Trip to the Grocery Store

Here are a couple of random thoughts for you...

1. If it always happens when you least expect it and I am always expecting it to happen; does that mean that it will never happen? What the hell is "it" anyway?

2. I was singing to my baby boy the other day because he was fussy. Among the few children's songs I actually know, I started singing "London Bridge." I tried to transition to "Mary had a Little Lamb" and I could not do it. I kept messing up the melody. Try this: sing "London Bridge" out loud a few times through. Then, start singing "Mary had a Little Lamb" right after without messing up the melody. It's hard, right?

The other day I went grocery shopping. Needless to say, I saw a couple of things that were quite amusing to me.

First thing's first: if you know me and we talk frequently, you have probably heard me talk about these...

I have never actually eaten one of these things, but I am guessing that the $249/lb. price tag is all hype. I have heard that these things are grown underground and specially trained dogs and pigs help people find them. I have heard some mythologizing about the taste ("Once you have it, you can't live without it."). I just could never bring myself to spend this much money on a little black fungi.

I found these in the produce section.

Nothing special to say about kumquats. This is not my first encounter. I just wanted to ask if anyone else thinks the name sounds really dirty/vulgar?

Finally, I found these in one of the snack aisles.

The picture is a little blurry (camera phone). These are dried shiitake mushrooms (second from the left). It's not so much the product as it is the placement. Are these really supposed to be a snack? I hope they aren't trying to compete with potato chips.

One last one from the road!

Hey all! I am still in New York until Tuesday and I am having a great time! The boys are a little burned out though. Here are a couple of funny things that I spotted in my travels (no bathroom graffiti in this one).

I was in Kohl's in Saratoga and I noticed this little guy on the register counter. His name tag says "Sir Credit the Frog." Man, the economy has definitely taken a turn for the worse when a frog statue is in charge of approving or turning down lines of credit.
This is part of an advertisement for the new passport cards that are available. I thought it was funny that Happy Traveler looks like a 50 year old businessman with gray streaks in his hair in the picture, but the date of birth on the card says that he is 28.

My favorite blog is the Blog of Unnecessary Quotes and I found some unnecessary quotation marks in a local newspaper yesterday. Is this Altima actually a regular Altima posing as a hybrid?

My family and I went to a Six Flags theme park yesterday and the parking lot had 12 MPH speed limit signs. I thought about it and was wondering how they came to the conclusion that 12 MPH was the safest speed? All of the speed limits that I have ever seen have been in increments of 5. 12 MPH seemed very random to me. Any thoughts?

Still on the road...

This past weekend we had our newest son dedicated at our favorite church up here in New York. Try explaining a completely abstract concept like God to a 3 year old who is very much in the concrete (see to believe) stage of development. Needless to say, he had some funny questions:
1. Does this church have a restaurant?
2 (while discussing why people pray with Mommy... why we can talk to God, but not see him) Does God have a telephone?
3. Is God an elephant? ("WTF?" is the first question that came to your head, right? He has a storybook on the topic and the main character is an elephant.)
All very funny questions.
Just last night, my 3 year old proved to be a comedian again. We were over at his uncle's house. My brother in-law is a cable technician and he was trained in gaffing (climbing up poles with special spikes on his boots) and he wanted to demonstrate for J. He didn't want to miss any of the action, but he had to go pee. His solution? Drop his pants in the middle of the field while watching without any verbal warning. When you are a potty trained boy, the world becomes your toilet.

More from the road

Here's a quickie for you!

A mathematical genius was obviously responsible for this sign. I spotted this at a going out of business sale. One can speculate that the person who made this sign was also responsible for the store's budget. If you do the math, 40% off $44.99 is actually $27.00 (not $43.19).
I spotted this license plate on a trip to Wal-Mart for traveling supplies today.

Someone needs to tell this guy that Angel Dust and anything to do with fire do not mix. I wonder what the PCP actually stands for? It's probably his initials.

Blogging from the road: Bathrooms, Death Metal, and WHOOTY

It's July, which means it is time for my family's yearly summer pilgrimage to New York. I'm not going to bore you with too many details. The only reason I am actually even writing right now is because the rest of my family members are either reading or watching Michael Jackson's funeral on TV. To me, watching a televised funeral is about as appealing as cattle prodding myself.
Our first potty break on the trip was at a Safeway off Braddock Road in Fairfax, Virginia. The bathroom was one of the scariest bathrooms I have ever encountered in my travels. I am glad that I didn't have to do a sit down job because there was no toilet paper. There was actually a roll of the brown industrial paper towels next to the toilet. Yikes! I did find a couple of amusing pieces of graffiti to share. No, my blog is not turning into the bathroom graffiti blog because this is the second post in a row to contain such pictures.

This is a mirror image of the words "Eat me" written on the side of a paper towel dispenser. The words you see aren't backwards (like you would typically see in a mirror image) because the person responsible actually took the time to write it backwards on the dispenser. THAT is dedication!






I saw this written on the wall. I have no idea what "BLoodz Beadooo Suwome" means. If you have any theories, please let me know!

Before we left for our journey, I was at home, bored, babysitting while my wife worked a short two week summer camp. I came across a show that I typically would not have given a second glance. The show is called "Uranium" on Fuse. This show does not really appeal to me because it plays videos by death metal, grindcore, and hardcore bands. I don't listen to these genres because (and here is my "old fogy" statement) they all sound the same to me. Take one part guitar and bass played at an incredibly rapid pace, one part drum sound that sounds like a helicopter, one part lyrics about violence and gore belched, growled, or screamed (incomprehensibly), and mix them all together. That is what it sounds like to me. I am not being negative, just truthful, because I have no doubt that it takes real talent to play guitar at that pace, and drum the way they drum. BACK TO THE POINT. So, I came across this show. In one segment, they were interviewing the death metal band Hate Eternal (asking questions in between playing video clips) . I found it very interesting to hear this band leader telling the interviewer about how this new album was inspired by the death of his old bass player and how the family of his old bass player was very supportive. The music that they play sounds like it was inspired by Satan, fatal car accidents, war, atomic bombs, and other horribly violent things. The interview was a little surreal to me, but have a look for yourself:


On the completely opposite side of the musical spectrum, what do you get when you cross a generic hip hop beat with a generic guitar part, several guys that cannot rap or sing (one apparently wearing pink lipstick), and the dumbest catch phrase in hip hop since "bling bling"? You get "Whooty" by Edubb. I found this video while channel surfing that same day:

"Whooty" is a mash up of the words "white girl" and "booty" (in case you didn't catch that). Yes, the guy with the lipstick proclaimed himself to be the "black Hugh Hefner," and no, the last guy on the song cannot sing. Those are obvious problems with this video and song. I noticed something else. The song is about white women with big asses and the video takes place in the "Whooty Sorority House somewhere on campus", but not all of the women in the video are white. I do not know a single black or Latin woman (I am pretty sure I saw a couple in the video) that would want to have anything to do with the "Whooty Sorority". Edubb and the makers of this video get the award for biggest dummies in the hip hop industry.