Ok... the title is not subtle at all. I know. Here's why. The other day my family and I were in the car and it was Bridget's turn to choose the radio station. We take turns doing everything now because we have a toddler and we want to set a good example for him. Naturally, she chose the country station because she is a huge country fan. I am not a country music fan, but I tolerate it because I love my wife. About five minutes into our car ride to the store, a song came on that I did not immediately block out because the lyrics were the second most depressing, suicide inducing lyrics ever written. The song that I am referring to is former Hootie and the Blowfish (a band who I loathed as a teenager!) singer Darius Rucker's single "It Won't Be Like This For Long"(sample lyric: Someday soon she'll be a teenager/And at times, he'll think she hates him/And he'll walk her down the aisle/And raise her veil, But right now she's up and cryin'/And the truth is that he don't mind/As he kisses her goodnight/And she says her prayers). He is obviously talking from the point of view of a parent whose daughter is having a hard time sleeping. This is directly related to the single most depressing song ever written. Some of you are familiar with this song. It's by one of my wife's all time favorite singers, Kenny Chesney. The song is called "Don't Blink" (sample lyric: Don't blink/Just like that you're six years old and you take a nap and you/Wake up and you're twenty-five and your high school sweetheart becomes your wife/Don't blink/You just might miss your babies growing like mine did/Turning into moms and dads next thing you know your "better half"/Of fifty years is there in bed/And you're praying God takes you instead/Trust me friend a hundred years goes faster then you think/So Don't blink). My wife informed me that she has heard those two songs played back to back on that station several times. How we don't have people purposely yanking their cars off the road into guard rails and telephone poles screaming "It's not worth it!" because of those songs is beyond me.
This car trip and those songs reminded me of my number one pet peeve. It has started to happen to me more often since I became a father. I don't like being reminded that I am going to die someday. I am well aware. I absolutely cannot stand it when I mention something cute that my son did and the person that I am talking to throws the conversation into the toilet by saying "WELL, enjoy it while it lasts." A simple statement, yes. But, those six words ruin my day because I start to think to myself, "You know? They're right." Soon, Jackson will start to need me less and less and will eventually turn into a teenager that resents me. I will go from being his hero to that old guy that shares a roof with him. Eventually, he will move out, I will continue to grow old. Impotence and incontinence will come rearing their ugly heads right before death. Sure, there are some great things that happen in there like becoming a grandparent and retirement. But, the end is the same for all of us. It's the natural progression of things. I can accept it. I am just not ready for it to happen when I am 29 going on 30. I sure as hell don't need to be reminded of it when I am trying to have a good time with my family or having a passing conversation at work. I like my small talk to stay small and I like my songs about mortality to be metaphoric.
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Related story but not quite the same... I hate the news stories that tell me the plethora of ways I could die, as if growing old isn't bad enough. This one made me laugh though: a few years ago I read a story saying that women who eat an egg a day are more likely to die. Which made me wonder... if I don't eat an egg a day, am I less likely to die? Will I be immortal if I avoid an egg a day?! What if I eat 2 eggs a day? Is only one egg the ultimate killing machine or will 2 speed up the process? That's a lot to consider next time you're having breakfast! :-P
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